I have been married for a year and a half, so these are my initial thoughts. When we got married, we felt a new sense of responsibility that we didn’t really expect. I don’t think we realised he would also be taking on the role of carer. Of course, when we were together he took care of me, but it felt slightly different.
When we are out, my husband seems either to look after me too much or not enough. In both scenarios I get irritated, either because I want more independence or because I didn’t want to get that bump on my head. It’s quite easy to be annoyed when I have just:
- Banged my whole body against a lamp post
- Fallen on some ice
- Missed a few stairs
(All three scenarios have occurred).
Aside from the several bruises I have, I do like it that he seems to have overestimated my ability, either that or he isn’t paying attention (he daydreams a lot!). My husband has had to learn about fashion and make up. He comments on my eye liner and foundation! I ask if it is ok; he used to say ‘How am I meant to know?’, I now get ‘you need to put a little more eyeshadow on your left eye’. He has also developed his driving ability when public transport isn’t an option. This was hard for him, but he knew how much it meant to me. If he can drive, I also feel the independence from it.
Over the past few years I have become more accepting of people helping me. I liked not asking for help because I thought it made me vulnerable and I am a proud person. I have since realised that being able to ask for help when you (really) need it is a strength. So, my husband is my carer, but I think we are all caring for people in our own way. I care for my husband, my family and my friends.
Marriage to me is about working together, making the best of each other’s strengths and supporting them when they need it (also about loving each other of course!). I don’t imagine my marriage would be very different if I wasn’t visually impaired, I think the essence of the relationship would be the same. However, I definitely would not have met a random Norwegian man if my visually impaired friend hadn’t been living in university halls with him!
Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone had a peaceful break.
disabilityandme.net 