Performing is scary at the best of times (at least for me). To go out in front of people where I am the prime focus is petrifying. I have performed as part of my choir several times, but that did not prepare me for my drama performance yesterday.
I have been working with a drama group for a few months and yesterday was our performance in a London theatre. The performance was essentially looking into the unexpected moments that come with sight loss; these are moments in everyday life that people may not always think about. I was nervous all of yesterday until the performance, like I had a stampede of animals running all over my tummy, not just the normal butterflies. I think this is because I felt like this performance would leave me exposed and vulnerable. I was sharing a story about my life, and it felt like there was more at stake because of this. It is very different from when I perform in a choir, as we are singing songs about other people to a well-lit crowd. It is hard to spot my husband. My friend will either tell me where he is or he attracts my attention in some way, but I am always squinting to see if I can spot him! In this drama performance, I liked that:
- The lights were so bright I couldn’t really see anyone in the audience (so there was no point in me even trying to squint) and also the fact that there was dark, apart from these lights shining on me and my fellow actors.
- At the end – the members of the audience shouted out their names, line by line.
Not being able to see the audience properly was almost freeing to me. I liked the fact that I couldn’t make eye contact with my husband or my friends (apart from when I was running around in the audience!) which took off a lot of pressure. Regardless, I was worried that, because the performance was full of different sketches, not all of which I even understood, people wouldn’t get it (Context: I didn’t want to make a complete prat of myself). Oddly enough, people really enjoyed it and it obviously left an impact as I got so many questions about what different sketches meant and lots of praise. I am not used to that kind of praise.
I am buzzing, still buzzing from our performance yesterday. I can’t quite believe that we all did so well, and I actually feel rather proud of myself. Seeing as I am not the most confident person this isn’t a normal feeling, so I am just going to enjoy it while it lasts 🙂
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I also participated with Dipti in the performance. I must confess I like to do quit a few things that take me out of my comfort zone, as it challenges and motivates me. Rehersing alongside Dipti for 3 months culminating in our performance certainly ‘tested’ me as a visually impaired person. I’m naturally quite confident but have had a difficult few years since my vision has signifcantly detereorated. Seeing my fellow actors develop in confidence and enthusiasm through the rehersals has been extremely rewarding. For me, meeting other visually imapired people has been a real privilege. I’ve found each VIP is a natural performer in one way or another. Drama is a fantastic means to unleash hidden talent and express ourselves.
I do a fair amount of speeches and presentations at work and I don’t get nervous as I’m used to these. As Dipti says, I found it much easier when the bright lights created a ‘fog’ that prevented me from seeing the audience ahead of me. Yes, I was nervous, fearing I may have a blackout when it came to my critical sketch. But as Unexpected began, I suddently felt excited and eager to show the sighted audience that sight loss is no barrier to showcasing our talent, as well as our expressing our frustrations that we have to deal with on a daily basis that sighted people cannot contemplate. At the end, I was so proud of my ensemble in what we’ve achieved as well as getting priase from fellow visually impaired friends who watched it who could relate to parts of the show. Dipti, I’m so proud to have got to know you through the process and now as a friend. You’ve developed incredibly in confidence since January, when we were all in our own shells reluctant to look outside of the box and express ourselves. It takes me a lot to get emotional but I did cry after the show as we performed in a way that I couldn’t have dreamed of a few months ago.
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